Sunday, July 25, 2004

~*Deeper than Dr. Phil*~

As most of you know, I just graduated with a psychology degree. That being said, I might have had a small emotional outburst tonight for reasons unstated on the internet. There are those days where you think through a lot of things in your life and you wonder why they happened. You wonder sometimes why you invested into someone just to have them leave your life and scars to boot. You wonder why good people suffer and these bad slimy people prosper. You wonder why "when it rains, it pours!" There are these pressing questions that plague me almost daily. Lately I have been trying to be completely self-aware so that I can be healthy emotionally. In my short 24 years (my birthday is 2 weeks from tomorrow), I have seen a lot of heartache. I have seen a lot of pain, sorrow, abuse, and torment being inflicted upon people who really didn't have it coming. I wonder why sometimes. I guess those people probably wonder more than I do.

Have you all been able to watch "Extreme Makeover..home edition?" It's absolutely amazing what these people do for people with hard lives. Tonight I was watching it where there are 8 kids and both parents pass away. I wasn't watching in the beginning of the show to find out how BOTH parents died but seriously, I was crying like a baby! It was so sad yet so amazingly wonderful to see their house being redone for them and their joy attached to it. I watched that and contemplated my life 10 years down the road. If all goes according to Erica's Plans..(and it never does) I will be doing therapy for families in that time span. I will be coming across people who hurt the way these 8 children have. I was perplexed that God would call me to such a career and completely make me good at it. I know that sounds completely arrogant and prideful but let's be honest, I am proud of the person God has made me. I can endure listening to anyone's problems and literally feel the things they are feeling. People, that's a blessing ...not a curse. As I watched these children get a house that they don't even have to pay for, I was so happy for them. Deep down I was absolutely estatic for them. Empathy is an interesting feeling to have.

I'm sorry that last paragraph got kind of deep for some of you. (Sorry Josh) ha ha Anyway, I really have had one of those days where you just wonder what it all means. I have this amazing relationship with God these days where I am getting closer to knowing his character and all I can say about that is....He continues to surprise me. He came through for me yesterday through my dad and just blessed me to pieces. I am so happy to be able to see his love for me so clearly. Sometimes it takes this huge tragic thing to happen for you to see how much He goes to bat for you. Again, I am getting kinda deep!

So anyway, did anyone catch the new show on tonight called "The Days." It's this new sitcom where there are 2 parents (still married) and three children in the home. They are approximately 17, 15, and 10 or so. The 17 year old has become pregnant and the mom is also pregnant. The whole show is just about the family dynamic and I tend to like these shows because I start to think psychologically about them but seriously, when did we get so jaded? When did we find it absolutely normal to have children having children! I am 24 and nowhere near the mark to have a child! I am nowhere near being able to adequately care for another human being solely. Wow, that's big stuff. I have no idea how a 17 year old does it and it happens every day. How sad?! All of you from Indiana know this all too well. How many of our friends have kids...multiple kids and aren't even married? Thank God for my close friends who have really done things correctly and fought to make things work. I admire those of you who have children and totally care for them because it takes a giant!

Well, today has been severely deep and weird for me. Sometimes I will randomly become really analytical, inquisitive, and random in my thought patterns. Please excuse this and chalk it up to the salty sea air! Have a great week everyone and ~SHALOM INDEED~



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