Wednesday, July 21, 2004

Please pray for me

Hi everyone! Today has been a very bad day to say the least. I went to work this morning and passed out from exhaustion. I know that I have been trying to make it look like I am really enjoying 3 jobs but let's be serious, I am tired. I haven't been eating properly in hopes of losing this blasted weight and sleep isn't really in abundance either. I have been really destroying my body and in turn, it quit on me today. I had to quit babystyle in order to fully give my body the things it needs. I am very mad at myself for having to quit but I am trying to be realistic.

I am really hurting right now because I want to be at goal weight. My goal weight is a healthy 125 lbs but from the other blog we all know that I weigh 232 so I have more than 100 lbs to go. This is the most frustrating thing in my life right now. I feel like people would view me differently if I wasn't so overweight. I feel like the one thing I want the most in life right now is not mine because I am not good enough. That is a horrible way to feel. I hate feeling this way when I know in my head that it isn't healthy. I am aware in my head that people like me as a friend because I am worth liking. I know that the beautiful men that I share my life with in friendship know who I am and appreciate doesn't stop me from feeling like my life will be full of guy-friends and nothing more. I am feeling so alone and completely empty.

I know that right now what I need to do is take some time for me and God. I know that I need to sleep and nourish myself and relax but something in me won't allow that. I need the money of having 3 jobs which I no longer have. I need the busy-ness to keep my mind off the lonliness. Please pray for me everyone and realize that this a sad one. I really wish I had some great encouraging happy words to share with all of you today but I don't.

Please keep Cavie in prayer because as you all know...I wrecked her and she needs repaired. Also, I am just nervous that she is going to quit on me because it needs serviced and I have no $$! Please keep praying all and I love every one of you! ~Shalom~

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